I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
