I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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