dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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