Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
