I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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