I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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