So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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