Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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