I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
