There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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