Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
