Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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