big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
