You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
