I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have aggressive nipples.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
