Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
