Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
