nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
