you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
