I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
