Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
