The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
