i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
