things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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