Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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