peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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