I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
