You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ladies don't puke and tell
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
