You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
