i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
