Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
