Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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