shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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