When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
