there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
