Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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