Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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