Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
