Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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