the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
