this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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