And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I love you.
Bad choice
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
