In the future we'll all be gay
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
