I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
