i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
vagina is talking i cant
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.