You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?