goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize