She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
