I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
