I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
