I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yea but for you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left