i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.