There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
