FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am midnight drunk by noon
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home