This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave