Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
