How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
