first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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