The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
