Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse