Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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