Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
