so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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