Girls should come with a carfax report
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
