I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
