I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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