I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
