she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My balls are so social today.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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