I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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