There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
