Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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