there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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