so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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