omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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