I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
